BRB, I’m just going to go find a giant pile of leaves to roll in…..Joking aside, I’ve been wanting to go do that since about mid September! We’ve been having a really rather glorious autumn so far (possibly to make up for a rather cold August?), with the perfect mixture of blue sky, sunshine and colourful leaves for most of the month.

Queue October and the more usual mixture of rain-then-sunshine-then-more-rain-then-sunshine-again of course, but summer got such a nice send-off that I almost don’t mind. I mean, look at it:

Now all I need to make my joy complete is some nice kite-flying. Any takers?

As I’m sure hundreds of millions of people will be doing in some form or another around this time of year, I’ve been thinking about and mentally reviewing  2013 a fair bit lately.

It’s been pretty good on the whole, with lots of interesting and new and fun things happening, although there have definitely been some downs as well as ups, including my Grandma dying before I got to visit her properly. She lived on the other side of the world, and I had just gotten a  (part-time, I’m a student) job and planned to finally go see her with the money I saved from it..

Now to try and remember everything I did – it’s been pretty eventful! Here goes (thanks in part to going through photos in an attempt to jog my memory):

In January I went to my first fencing competition. It was a bit nerve-wracking at times, but also very fun.

In February..I went to the Sports Ball.

I don’t really remember much of February actually, it was a while ago. I went to some more fencing competitions..

In March.. I think that was Easter? I know! We went to ‘The Rocky Horror Picture Show’ for Dad’s birthday, and had dinner at a really nice Greek Restaurant near Buchanan Galleries.

In April I was elected onto the Fencing Committee – it hadn’t actually occurred to me to go for any of the positions, but my Swedish friend Ada told me on the day of the AGM that she’d like to nominate me and I said ok, and was rather flattered when I got the position with a fair majority of votes. I was definitely always quiet and not all that involved with the social side of the club in my first year, other than going to the union after training on Wednesdays and playing pool at the union a lot with the people I knew towards the end of the second semester. But it definitely takes me some time with these things, and at the beginning of second year I spoke to some people I hadn’t ever spoken to despite having been in the same club for the entire year. (And actually became fairly good friends with them.) I also found out there were several more 1st years than I’d realised…Anyway, there were also more girls who came regularly in second year, which I suspect helped, and I felt generally more comfortable with uni too I suppose, and also started coming to the pub (and pub quiz) after training every time, so I became part of the club and social events a lot more.

In May I had exams, but for once I actually felt fairly prepared for and good about one of them (E-marketing) . Also I miraculously passed finance, in spite of only having answered the theory questions! (Although I only found this out in June sometime.) I also spent the nicest day with my Grandpa, who was visiting from New Zealand on what was meant to be his last trip with my aunt (who brought my uncle and wanted to show him all the sights she’d seen on previous trips with my Grandpa, which was partly why I offered to spend the day with him when they were in Edinburgh.) I can’t even remember what we talked about, but we didn’t run out if things to say the entire time, and it’s one of those simple memories that I will always treasure.

In June we moved to a lovely new flat (basically next door to our old one but way nicer!) and I spent many many happy days enjoying the sun at Glasgow Green, including some picnics with Libby and a handful of pleasant afternoons or evenings with my very busy summer flatmate. (Who is about 10 years older than me and I think started to view me as a younger sister after a while 🙂 She is kinda intimidating – at least to people like me I’d say – when you first meet her, but very nice.)

I also went to another fencing competition (this one had camping and a ceilidh!) and actually did pretty well (for me) in the 15 point fights- I completely hammered my first opponent, and the second one expected a very short and easy fight and definitely didn’t get it – I think this was partly because I had overheard some girl saying this was going to be so boring to watch – the #¡€∞¶$ !! Anyway, I got 13 points, which is almost annoyingly close!

July was definitely a significant month for me. It was still gorgeous weather and I went to the park a lot, worked on my fencing  a lot (I also had a few small lessons, some different coaches and fenced a few new people and did well. There is a good chance that I forgot most of it by the time the semester started, but I improved a lot at the time.) I also went to Edinburgh for my school friend Julie’s birthday, finally went to the West End and on the subway, which I’d been wanting to do for aages, and, most importantly really, got a job! I think I almost didn’t apply, maybe because I had to research and prepare a 10 minute presentation for the interview, but I did that (after practicing it on Skype with my parents) and aced it, so to speak, and got the job – despite somehow messing up the mail merge test, which refused to save. But I emailed about that and maybe it helped.. Anyhow, it is a year long, part time position which is related to my course, pays well and is very fun, not to mention is in an office close by with really nice people. My first day of training/handover from the previous person included free cupcakes, and the second day involved a rooftop party with champagne! Definitely a pleasant start to work anyway.

In August I officially started my new job, and went to my first UK wedding (and the first wedding I’d been to in about ten years, meaning I wasn’t a flower girl for once. I have to say being a flower girl was more fun, and usually meant there were other children to play with too, but it was nice nevertheless, and interesting.) Also my brother Jake got his exam results and found out he got into Strathclyde!

In September I was persuaded to join the ‘Welcome Team’, which helps new students move into halls, helps set up freshers events, and generally answers any questions new students ask us. I met some lovely people, had some interesting conversations and had a nice time. As usual, I think next year I’ll be a lot less quiet (I did what I almost always do and only really came out of my shell towards the end, except with a handful of people) but it was still a great experience. I also managed to randomly meet some German people partly through something I had to do for work, but properly when I saw them again at the Union and said hi, at which point I was introduced to a few others.

I also started my role on the Fencing Committee and we had a lot of fun with planning and organising stuff for the year ahead together.

October was also filled with mostly new and pleasant things, like our Heroes and Villains fancy dress night out for fencing (I had such a fun evening dressed as Violet from the Incredibles, and may have surprised quite a few committee members by being more outgoing for once), learning to knit (properly this time), going to an MGMT concert with my friend Jane from home (my first proper concert and awesome!) and also having our first flat party, which I was pretty nervous about but everyone got on well and seemed to enjoy themselves, despite being from quite different groups in my life – home, fencing, uni, Welcome Team etc.
Halloween was also fun, I went as Wednesday from the Addams family and was told I’d nailed the costume. And some girls randomly came up to me and hugged me because they apparently liked the idea so much haha.In November I took part in another fencing competition where I actually fenced well in the  pools (which are 5 point fights, and I usually need more than that to get into it properly) and ended up in the ‘good’ half as a result! :O I came 12th overall and my indicator wasn’t as negative as it usually is for once! I had -5 before the final two 15 point fights, and then won one and lost one, so I’m not sure what my final indicator was. The indicator is how many points you scored compared to how may you lost. I also went to the Glasgow Green Fireworks display for the first time, with my friend Ella who studies at Glasgow Uni and her flatmate Jenn, and had a lovely evening. And we held our annual fencing ceilidh (which I even managed to persuade my flatmate Carina to come to, and she really liked it too! It was her fist ceilidh so I wasn’t sure if she would). We also went to another one the next week because we’d enjoyed ourselves so much. The second ceilidh had the band we used last year and wanted for ours, and we danced the “Dashing White Sergeant” to Paolo Nuttini, among other things, and had an awesomely good time!

Dad and I also went to a Boomtown Rats concert (I’m a very cultured child, you know 😛 ), which had been my idea and present to him in the first place, but I almost didn’t go because I had a finance test the next day which I couldn’t seem to concentrate on the entire time I tried to revise. Anyway, I think he really needed that, and it was so great seeing him so happy that it made me just as happy, on top of also enjoying the concert a lot myself. Definitely a moment for my ‘Jar of Hearts ♥’

In December I finally went on the open air ice rink at George Square (twice!), which was awesome. I wasn’t as wobbly as I usually am when I haven’t skated in a while. (the average gap seems to be about two years these days). I also had a nice afternoon making waffles and watching ‘Chalet Girl’ with my friend Freya after going skating. Libby and I did our now traditional Chairoplanes and Christmas market visit (on a gloriously sunny day. Have I ever mentioned how much I love Chairoplanes?) I also made up the work Christmas quiz with one of the other students who work in our office, made a lot of Ausstecherle for fencing, work, and as presents, as well as Zimtsterne which actually turned out really well and were a huge hit in the office. Also when I came home we went to the Indian restaurant in the next town like we always do, and some people I hadn’t seen in about a year managed to come 🙂 And I met up with my oldest friend from Scotland, who showed me around when I first moved here, after also not having seen her in about a year, and had a fun evening with her, as well as a lovely conversation with her Mum, who I used to help at Brownies with.

And we had a lot of nice fencing movie nights at Dennis’ flat – I think at least monthly and always very fun. We started with Despicable me (awesome!) and moved on to our Fast and Furious marathon (which I don’t think anyone expected me to be such a fan of, let alone suggest in the first place. I still get teased about that, as well as some baffled looks..)

There are probably loads of other things, so I may add to this later, but for now I think I’ve written plenty and you are probably ok with not hearing more, huh?

Anyway, I was planning to make this more about things I’m glad I did (or didn’t too I guess) and things I’m sad I didn’t/regret doing or not doing, but that might be a bit morose and depressing, so I am going with the old teachers’ positive feedback approach of “2 Stars ★ and a Wish ♥”:

★I’m glad that I tried to live by and do “one thing every day that scares you” more than I perhaps have in previous years (not literally daily and nothing terrifying, but following the general philosophy that it might actually turn out to be a good thing, even if it makes you a tiny bit nervous at the time)

★ I’m glad that I went for something I particularly wanted to go for, even though the idea scared me quite a bit. It didn’t completely end in the way I would have liked, but I did it and at least I did it and don’t have to be asking  “what if?” and generally kicking myself. And partly I had a lot of fun too, and I think (hope) it helped me grow as a person a little bit.

♥ I wish that I had been brave enough (and not so stubborn and proud and scared of coming across as pushy) to ask something. I’m fairly certain the outcome would have been the same either way, but at least I would have had more closure this way, and wouldn’t have been wondering to this day “what if” and “if only”.
It’s kind of galling to admit that I still do on a very regular basis…

Funny, the song I’m currently listening to (‘Kill Your Heroes and Fight!’) says

“Don’t let your fear decide your fate”.

Note to self…

(Also my procrastinating abilities have been honed to fine art levels, and I really really really wish that wasn’t the case. But since that’s pretty much what I’m doing now, I’m not sure what hope there is.)

On the one hand it’s not easy to narrow it down so much, therefore please excuse the vagueness, but on the other hand it prevents me (re!) over-analysing many many situations, as I am often prone to do, which is always a good thing! And I’ve still listed the things I’m glad about in some form (see above).

Anyway, it’s three hours to midnight here, give or take. I still have a Marketing essay to do (worth 60% of my grade- gulp!), and a Finance exam to revise for once I finish that, so I have a very exciting New Year’s Eve planned. All the best for 2014, and may it be better than you ever hoped for etc. etc. I also hope you had a great 2013.

Although I have had some really nice times this month, September 2013 seems to be rather a sad one, full of departures and funerals.

First, my friend’s mother died of cancer and I went to her funeral.

Then I found out a few days ago that my Grandma was ill(er) and probably not going to make it. She seemed to be hanging in for a few days, but I just heard that she died in her sleep last night.

A few years ago it seemed like she was really ill and I probably wouldn’t get to see her again before she died, but she made it and, despite her health problems, ‘stuck around’ so to speak, and it’s like I took that for granted because I hardly wrote to her as I got older. And I’ve been meaning to send her a letter and some photos for months and months, but I kept putting it off because I didn’t know if she’d be able to see them properly, and now it’s too late.

A bit of back story: she lived in New Zealand, where my Dad was born and grew up, and we met once, when I was two. She had hip problems for a long time, so she wasn’t able to accompany my Grandpa on his trips to visit us, so that was the only time we met face to face.

We’ve sort of been pen pals throughout my childhood, and I think the first ever email I wrote was to her. She loved animals and bred Golden Retrievers and started the local SPCA, and she used to always choose lovely books for my birthdays and as Christmas presents. I thought she was going to live forever, simply because even though it was long distance, she was a fairly constant presence in my life and it seemed like she would always be at the other end of the world for me to write to.

Now I feel guilty for not writing more, and a bit selfish for being so upset because she was probably in pain and stuff, but I just wish she could have lived long enough for me to visit her.

I got a job this summer and I was planning to save up and go to New Zealand and Australia to see/meet my family there next August. Obviously I still want to do that, but she was the main reason for the trip, because I wanted to talk to her properly (as opposed to going ‘kitty!’and spouting general two year old nonsense) and ask her some things, and see her face, and give her a hug, because I have no memories of that first trip beyond the view from the plane at night time (a building sight near the airport with floodlights), the airport floor (I was very small and therefore quite close to it) and, though I don’t know if either if these are even real memories, visiting the pilot in the cockpit and being rather devastated that I couldn’t take my Christmas present back with me, a little pink ride on Bobbycar with its own ‘boot’.

But I don’t remember her from it, and even if I had, it would have been from a child’s point of view…

_______________________________________________

My Dad just sent me an email about her obituary, and it gave me a bit of a jolt, because first of all I still can’t seem to wrap my mind about death in general, especially if it is someone I actually know (well, knew) or met, and secondly, because she was so far away I can almost pretend it didn’t happen, and that she is still there, on the other side of the world waiting for me to come visit.

Today I found out that someone I know lost their mother a few days ago. I met her once and she was funny and seemed lovely.

I guess that’s life, and it’s normal, but it feels like so many people my age have lost parents recently and it doesn’t seem fair somehow. Whether I know them well or never really talked to them much, it always feels like a punch in the gut and I can’t even begin to comprehend the pain they must be in and the thought of having to face life without them.

Next time I’m feeling sorry for myself for some reason or other, I have to remember – really remember, not just tell myself -that I at least have my family, and I am incredibly lucky.

Rest in peace Mrs H.

Hello!

I know it’s been ages since I last posted, sorry to the 2 people who randomly ended up here due to a Google images search for Haribos! Maybe one day I’ll have a bit of an international following and you guys will chuckle at the thought of someone finding this blog purely because of a picture of food… (not just any food though! I think Haribos are a perfectly valid reason to land here, and maybe you’ll even find something else that interests you).

Anyway, it’s August, which means it is close to September and therefore very close to the start of the new university year, and Freshers Week…